How did There is No Ethan end? (spoilers) | Anna Akbari
This is a spoiled review of Anna Akbari’s There is No Ethan. If you are looking for a spoiler-free review, head back to the main review. You can always come back here when you’re done!
Anna Akbari’s book, There is No Ethan, is part memoir, part intellectual analysis, and part exposé. She opens describing how she met a man named Ethan Schuman on the online dating platform OkCupid in late 2010. Akbari is a Ph.D. in Sociology and was teaching at NYU. Over the next six weeks, Akbari and Ethan exchanged countless emails, texts, and g-chats. Ethan was charming, intelligent, and always available. Communicating with him was like a drug, and Akbari felt an instant strong connection. Eventually, she realized he had no intention of getting together and she began to question his authenticity.
How did Akbari suspect Ethan wasn’t who he claimed?
There were red flags from the beginning. Ethan had an Irish cell phone number, meaning Akbari incurred extensive charges for their texts (this was 2010, cell phone plans were not unlimited). He explained this away by saying his job required him to be in Ireland regularly and he didn’t want two phones. He also changed his story slightly about what year he graduated after Akbari mentioned having a friend (Matt) who graduated from the same high school and university the same year who couldn’t find him in the yearbook. Ethan would flip things around, getting angry she was questioning him and deflecting back to blame her for being closed off. Akbari often reports feeling confused–she thought she was being open, but Ethan would say she wasn’t.
Ethan’s cancer diagnosis threw a wrench in their plans to get together, undoubtedly prolonging the period of time Akbari was willing to continue to hold out hope. Though she checked the local hospital and can’t find a record of him being there, she also can’t fathom someone would make up a cancer diagnosis. Conveniently, esophageal cancer also made it difficult for them to speak on the phone. Over six weeks Ethan continued to be constantly available, and oscillate between verbose and angry. Usually he was caring, but Akbari began to notice that things would unexpectedly set him off.
In late January, Akbari had a date with a man she met at speed dating. Though they agreed to not be exclusive, this sent Ethan into a rage. He said terrible things to her, guilt tripped her, and though she couldn’t seem to cut contact with Ethan, this marked the beginning of the veil being lifted. She started to see their situation more clearly and suspect Ethan may never want to meet up. He was manipulative and cruel, though engaging and addictive. On February 10, 2011, Akbari finally outlined a list of demands. Most notably, that she needed to meet him in person or it was done. Ethan refused, and she cut contact. Ethan continued to attempt to reengage Akbari over the next few weeks.
How did Akbari find Gina and British Anna?
After Akbari cut contact with Ethan, she attempted to put it out of her mind. Her friend Matt reached back out saying that another woman had found him online and asked the same questions Akbari had asked him about Ethan Schuman, and included the exact photo she had sent him two months earlier. Akbari got in touch with the woman, who was an architect named Gina. Gina’s story was eerily similar and strangely, the timeline that she and Ethan were in constant communication overlapped with Akbari’s. This is nearly unfathomable, given how available Ethan was. After comparing stories, they realized that Ethan was sharing some real life details with each of them. For instance, he told Gina about Akbari, but distorted details of their relationship. Akbari remembered him telling her about his ex, British Anna. Akbari didn’t have a last name, but she knew Anna lived in London, was a psychologist, and a musician. She eventually was able to find her.
British Anna reported that she met Ethan on a Jewish dating site called JDate in 2008, and they shared a two and a half year relationship. She fell for Ethan hard. He claimed to live in the U.S. but was being relocated to the London office at Morgan Stanley, so long distance didn’t seem to be a problem. At the time, skype wasn’t widely-used and selfies weren’t a thing. During their relationship, Ethan played on her emotions, turning Anna from a once vibrant Ph.D. student into an anxious, emotionally-broken woman. Though Ethan wasn’t available to talk on the phone, Anna spoke to his sister Riva several times, and she reinforced Ethan’s story. Ethan was also jealous and would act out if Anna questioned anything. After several missed meetings, Ethan sent her an email from his London work account. It seemed legitimate, but Anna looked it up anyways and discovered it had been created that day by someone named Emily. Ethan explained it away and the two continued their tumultuous relationship.
Ethan eventually confessed that he was going through a divorce to a woman named Katie. He texted Anna updates all through the divorce proceedings. He also claimed that he and Katie slept together, but it didn’t mean anything. By 2010 Anna was done with Ethan, but she couldn’t resist responding each time he reached out. She didn’t know how to extricate herself. Any time Anna pulled back, Ethan would bombard her on every platform available. By early 2011, Anna was finally getting out of the Ethan black hole and back to her old self. She met someone and was enjoying their relationship. In March, she got the message from Akbari about Ethan.
Who is the real Ethan Schuman?
Anna was understandably hesitant when Akbari contacted her, but eventually she agreed to join Gina and Akbari on a video call. As the three compared stories, it was clear they had all been duped by the same person. Ethan used similar tactics on all of them. They contacted him and let him know they had put it together and he had a deadline to tell them who he really is. Ethan deflected, often messaging them on the side with different stories to separate them. The three women held strong, sharing everything. It was the hardest on British Anna. They put together every clue they had from their extensive correspondence with Ethan and noted things that were consistent. Gina was the first to suggest that Ethan could be a woman. Akbari dismissed this claiming that Ethan had a masculine tone to his communications, but Gina eventually won her over. They still didn’t know who was the real Ethan, but they widened their search parameters. At that point, Anna remembered Ethan’s fake email account was linked to a woman’s name: Emily Slutsky. Could that possibly be Ethan?
Everything about Emily Slutsky aligned with Ethan. Her parents were Russian-Jewish immigrants, her mother was named Anna, she attended the same universities as Ethan, and she was attending medical school in Ireland (explaining the Irish phone number). Gina found Emily Slutsky’s father and called him claiming to be a fellow MIT alumnus. Emily’s father gave her Emily’s email and phone number. It was the same number that had been texting them as Ethan. The women were certain. Emily Slutsky was Ethan Schuman.
What was the fall out?
When they called Emily Slutsky out using her real email address, she eventually admitted it was true. She called both British Anna and Gina, talking to them for hours and trying to win them back over with her story. Emily never called Akbari and seemed to blame her for being outed as the person behind Ethan Schuman. There was a more troubling truth to contend with. The woman who had lied and manipulated multiple people was set to become a medical doctor, where she would have access to women who were in a vulnerable place. They decided to contact her medical school and her sister about her actions. Despite the extensive evidence provided, Emily’s medical school never took action. Emily’s sister never responded at all.
Akbari and Gina moved on with their lives pretty quickly, though both had lingering damage to work through from Ethan’s deception. Anna struggled to disconnect from Emily / Ethan. Logically, Anna knew that Ethan Schuman was Emily Slutsky. She was hurt and angry, but she was also struggling to let go of the connection with this person and her search for an explanation of why she would do this to her. Anna continued to correspond with Emily for several years, though she had moved on in her dating life.
In 2013, the Manti Te’o catfish story broke. Akbari had posted an anonymous blog about her experience with Ethan. The blog didn’t reveal Emily’s name but it did include Ethan’s. The post was intended mostly for friends and people in her close circle. The same year, a woman named Rachel got back together with her long-time online boyfriend, Ethan Schuman. Rachel’s sister Samantha found Akbari’s blog post and messaged her that she suspected Ethan was back to his old tricks, having rekindled with her sister Rachel. Akbari and Samantha spoke, and confirmed it was the same person. The three women felt angry that Emily Slutsky was continuing to catfish unsuspecting women. The same year, Emily Slutsky graduated from medical school.
Rachel’s story mirrored British Anna. The relationship with Ethan lasted several years, and she struggled to disengage from Emily Slutsky, even after learning the truth about her. She was experiencing a form of Stockholm Syndrome, just as Anna had. In 2014, the Observer published and article about Emily Slutsky catfishing women under the name Ethan Schuman. Meanwhile Akbari, Gina, and Anna were able to track down several other potential victims of Emily Slutsky and sent them the article. Several of them responded with their stories. Emily’s first victim, Kimberly, had been communicating with Emily Slutsky for nine years, beginning in an AOL chatroom when Emily was 17. Another victim was a doctor named Sarah whose timeline with Ethan overlapped exactly with Akbari and Gina’s. When Sarah found out the truth, she insisted that they report Emily Slutsky to the National Institutes of Health where she was employed. Sarah worried that Emily had access to sensitive data that would allow her to find new victims. In 2016 an anonymous person reached out saying she knew Emily from her ObGyn residency at the University of Toledo. She worried about Emily having interactions with her patients given what she had done (and continued to do). Akbari contacted her school but they never replied. This was the first of several women who worked with Emily Slutsky who tried to report her to the hospital over the years.
Where is Emily now?
Meanwhile Emily Slutsky has continued to reach out to Akbari under other fake names. The stories are bizarre and it’s clear she isn’t over Akbari discovering who she is. Akbari began to worry that Emily would never stop trolling them. To this date, Emily Slutsky has never received any known formal consequences of her relentless conning of vulnerable women. She is currently the director of women’s health and medical genetics at a prestigious hospital in New Jersey.
During her years corresponding with and conning multiple women at a time, Emily Slutsky graduated with a degree in nuclear engineering from MIT, a masters in applied physics from Columbia, attended medical school in Ireland, a clinical informatics postgraduate degree at Cornell, worked for the NIH in informatics, completed her ObGyn residency at the University of Toledo, completed a fellowship in clinical genetics at Stanford, and accepted her current role overseeing women’s health and genetics. Emily is a highly intelligent and accomplished person, who somehow managed to complete an impressive resume of work while catfishing multiple women and corresponding with them day and night. Every woman who was conned by Emily reports the frequency of her communications. How is it possible Emily was able to do all of this and progress through school?
What did I think of the ending?
I’ll be honest, discovering who the person behind Ethan’s profile was in real life was a shocking reveal. Even more than it being a woman behind the communication and cons, it was surprising to see someone so accomplished. Emily’s continued achievements have become her greatest alibi. It’s hard to believe (despite unending confirmation, including from Emily herself) that this level of deception and investment in ruining others’ lives would be possible. Her achievements have shielded her from suspicion each time people were told about what she did. Most people assume it must be an exaggeration. It couldn’t have been that bad if Emily was able to accomplish so much, right?
Every woman who Emily conned has reported behavior, communications styles, patterns, and manipulation tactics that are so similar, someone could write a book on how to con people based on her. The sheer volume of different women who knew nothing about one another who have reported this over the years confirms Emily was behind them all. It’s a credit both to her high intelligence and her excellent skills at lying that Emily was able to continue this con for so long (and may still be). The intellectual and psychologist in me is fascinated and appalled by Emily. She’s a case study all on her own.
Stepping away from Emily for a moment, I felt it was important that British Anna allowed so much of her story to be included. It’s heartbreaking that someone who was tormented for so long had difficulty for years afterwards separating from her abuser. Anna continued to speak with Emily. Unfortunately this isn’t uncommon among abuse victims. She was relieved to know Ethan’s true identity, but it left a void. It’s not dissimilar to a death, in many ways. Emily exploited the most vulnerable parts of Anna and the other women. She took advantage of Anna’s struggle to find closure and separate from Ethan for years after her identity was revealed.
This is an area of conning that doesn’t fit neatly into any law. Emily didn’t do anything illegal (technically). The law protects against cons for theft, sex, and money, but it doesn’t protect one’s emotions and trust. What does it mean to steal from someone? In the digital world, emotional blackmail can be as harmful as other types of cons. The level of manipulation crosses a line, but how can we address this type of harm in any systematic way? It’s easy to understand scamming for money or sex, but when those aren’t available, how do we understand the motive behind this level of conning? It seems more malicious, in many ways. What do people like Emily get from this and why do they continue when they have the chance to walk away?
This is an absolutely fascinating, terrifying, and gripping book. It’s both triumphant and infuriating by the end. Akbari and the others got some sense of justice by exposing Emily, but she never truly faced consequences that we know of. Akbari’s final pages are a thought-provoking analysis of emotional manipulation and identity hacking. This is a must-read for any woman who has experienced manipulation at the hands of someone they thought loved them. Not all cons are secret. In fact, the best cons are out in the open where no one suspects them.
