Book Review: You Were Always Mine | Nicole Baart

This book by Nicole Baart came highly recommended to me by my friend Holly over at Dressed to Read and I’m so glad I was able to read it! What an emotional roller coaster this book of domestic suspense took me on! That’s the genre I landed on, after seeing other reviewers comment on how this one is hard to place. It is not a psychological thriller in the modern sense of the word, though I think it would classify as one if it were written two decades ago. It doesn’t have that wild twisty ride of a thriller. It really is more of a novel of suspense filled with a deep, emotional character study about this woman who is put in an impossible situation, and does what she thinks is best for her children.

This is a beautiful story with a dark psychological suspense undertone that will have you hooked until the very last reveal. I can see why Holly loves this author so much—she has a way with writing characters and moral dilemmas that were thought-provoking, insightful, and added to the authenticity of the story.

About the Book

Jessica Chamberlain lives with her two sons in a small Iowa town. Recently, Jessica and her husband Evan separated under one of those impossible circumstances where they realized they’d just stopped trying in their marriage. Evan was wrapped up in his career as a family practitioner and Jessica was wrapped up in motherhood and their two sons.

And then one day not long after Evan moved out, Jessica receives a phone call. They’ve found a body in Minnesota with no personal belongings to identify, save for a slip of paper in his pocket that led them to her. In a single instant Jessica’s world will change. How can this seemingly unrelated crime possibly derail her life? As the pieces fall into place, Jessica realizes that the mystery may lead back to her and Evan’s adopted son Gabriel.

Gabriel became the Chamberlain’s through a closed adoption. It is what everyone wanted at the time. But now it seems there may be more to the story of Gabriel’s birth, and Jessica can’t protect them from the truth much longer. With a ferocity that only a mother can show, Jessica tries desperately to hold her family together in the most trying of times. Will the love of a mother be enough to weather this storm?

Reflection

What a beautifully written novel this is! Baart writes with authenticity that had this story creeping into my heart and taking hold of my thoughts. This felt like a story that could be happening in my town, even. And that made the subtle horror of the situation have a monumental impact.

One element that seems all too familiar and was written so well was the relationship between Jessica and Evan. I have a good friend that did pre-marital counseling with her husband, and one of the issues that she said they spoke to their counselor about was always prioritizing their marriage, even before their children. It seemed so counter-intuitive. But actually one of the main reasons marriages fall apart is that partners forget to prioritize themselves. And when that happens, their children aren’t getting the best of a unified family anymore. In this story, we see the aftermath of this realization. Jessica wonders who it was that stopped trying first, and if it is too late to reconcile. This situation happens more than we realize. Even with love there from both sides, there needs to be a continued effort to choose to stay together.

And then we have the dynamic of Gabriel’s adoption. One thing that resonated in this story is how difficult of a position an adoption is all around. Both parties are having to make a decision on behalf of a child who isn’t old enough to decide for themselves whether the biological mother should be involved. Jessica feels so strongly that a closed adoption is the way to go. And Jessica is a truly outstanding mother—that is without a doubt. But what an impossible decision that is! I loved the way Baart discusses both sides of this issue. There really isn’t a right or wrong answer. Every situation is unique. And what should be done if one party changes their mind later? What then?

I am so thrilled to have this book out in the world. I think the story will have meaning and provoke thought on these complex issues in so many readers. I know that I won’t think about adoption the same way again, because I now see so much of the nuance. What a credit to Baart’s writing!

Thank you to the team at Atria Books for my copy to review.