Thriller Review: When I’m Her | Sarah Zachrich Jeng

Sarah Zachrich Jeng’s newest speculative thriller When I’m Her will have your mind in a blender as you follow two women whose lives are so intertwined, they are able to change places. There are a lot of takeaways from this book, so let’s get right into the review.

About the Book | When I’m Her

Seven years ago

Mary and Elizabeth were in college and formed an unlikely friendship, though they couldn’t be more different. Mary is a brainiac who doesn’t care much about her appearance. She’s working as hard as she can to afford school and get a good job, including an internship at a mysterious company called Confluence Innovations. Elizabeth is beautiful, popular, and instantly magnetic to everyone who meets her, but she hates that people only see her for her physical appearance and not who she truly is.

Elizabeth begs Mary to take a pair of devices from Confluence called Empathyzers. These devices allow the two people in possession of a pair to switch bodies. The devices are in testing, which means they don’t work more often than they do. However, Mary is surprised when she and Elizabeth try the devices and are able to swap bodies. They begin to test it out, and Mary logs the experiences in a journal.

The body swapping devices were originally designed to build empathy in a relationship—to allow someone to really see what their friend or partner experiences. And the devices do make Elizabeth and Mary much closer than ever before. Until one night when something irreversible happens while they are swapped, and their lives change forever…

Now

Mary’s life was ruined that night back in college. In the wake of the incident, they swap bodies back but no one believes that Mary wasn’t the one responsible. How could they? The devices were still in testing and no one knew she took them from work. Mary was expelled from college. The family of the victim were influential (and litigious) people and they also went after Mary’s parents, who eventually disown her in shame. Now, Mary can barely hold down a job and afford to live day to day.

Meanwhile Elizabeth’s life seems perfect. She’s a very successful influencer whose job it is to showcase her life (and a few sponsored products) and interact with fans. Her status really grew when she announced her engagement to a man she had kept hidden in posts before—Nate. Nate isn’t just anyone, he’s Mary’s college crush—the one she told Elizabeth about. Mary is seething. Her life was ruined and Elizabeth got everything she wanted. It isn’t fair!

Mary has spent years working to get her hands on a set of Empathyzers that were allegedly destroyed when the company went under, and she finally has them. She goes out to where she know Elizabeth is having brunch and casually drops one into her bag, then goes behind the restaurant and swaps bodies. This time Mary has no intention of swapping back. Let Elizabeth take the life she ruined and see what it’s like, Mary will finally get the life she deserved—successful, secure, and married to Nate.

But it soon becomes clear that Elizabeth’s life is nothing like Mary thought. It’s not perfect at all, actually. Meanwhile Elizabeth is hiding out in Mary’s body, taking the swap much better than expected. When it becomes apparent that the woman are in danger, Mary realizes she has made a deadly mistake. The two friends-turned-enemies will have to work together if they want to live.

Review | When I’m Her

Is this science fiction?

What a twisted tale this turned out to be! I’ll be honest that I hesitated to pick it up because I thought it might be too science-fiction for me. However, I’d describe this as much more of a psychological thriller with a dash of science fiction. It took me a while to get the hang of who was in which body at which timeline. This is a case where I’d recommend the audiobook. In part because the narrators are both fantastic, but also because Mary and Elizabeth each have their own narrator which helps keep straight who’s talking. Keep in mind that each chapter will start with some version of “Mary, in Elizabeth’s body. Now.” This means that we will be hearing Mary’s narration but she is inside of Elizabeth’s body and life.

Once I got used to the swapping and wrapping my head around who was who, the story got much easier to follow. In general, outside of the parts of the past timeline and the very beginning of the present timeline where Mary engineers the swap, they are almost always narrating from the other person’s body. Confused? Don’t be! The author and narrators make it clear who is speaking and which body they are in.

What happened between Elizabeth and Mary in college?

There are a few things that we know from the outset that all seem to be related to what happened. (1) Mary telling Elizabeth about the Empathyzers violated her NDA. Taking a pair without permission adds another layer of theft to her record that will surely get her fired. (2) We know that Confluence Innovations (the company Mary was interning for) permanently closed not long after the incident. (3) Garrett—a wealthy student and fellow intern with Mary—is the nephew of the CEO of Confluence Innovations. (4) We know that whatever happened that destroyed Mary’s life occurred when Elizabeth was in her body. If we put this all together, it’s clear that Garrett and the Empathyzers both play a key role in Mary’s downfall, and that Elizabeth is likely to blame (at least in some part).

The central tension to the past timeline is what exactly happened and how much of it was intentional to set Mary up? In the present timeline, Mary is bitter with a big, bold, capital B. She blames Elizabeth for everything and she is out for revenge. Truly, Mary’s life is at the lowest of low points. She’s alone, isolated, broke, and branded with a crime that she didn’t do. I think every reader can be honest that knowing what Mary knows, we would all be suspicious of Elizabeth too. She wasn’t very interested in Mary’s friendship until she learned about the Empathyzers, and then she pressured Mary to steal a pair and let them try it.

However, the more we learn about Elizabeth, the less it makes sense that she set Mary up. Elizabeth struggles with people assuming she’s a certain way because of her appearance. When they swap, Elizabeth likes being Mary. She finds it freeing that she doesn’t have to constantly put on a show, and she can be herself. Elizabeth also cares about Mary. She wants her to have the things she desires most, and she wants to help her get them. Being inside Elizabeth’s mind, it’s clear that she wouldn’t intentionally set Mary up. That leaves us wondering what happened and in the aftermath, did Elizabeth do what she could to save Mary, or did she step aside and let her take the fall?? You’ll have to read to find out!

What’s happening in the present timeline?

The present timeline is full of twists and turns. Mary has been on a mission to get revenge on Elizabeth since college. Mary’s life is in the gutter. She was expelled from university and her family stopped speaking to her or supporting her. She struggled to get a job after everything. On top of that, she owes some of any wages she does happen to make to Garrett’s family. Eventually, she realizes the way to do this will require them to swap bodies and then leave Elizabeth stuck in the life Mary has been trapped in for seven years.

Mary had been searching for another Empathyzer to pair with the one she has. She’s done everything she can, including trying to engineer one. As though she willed it into existence, one arrives suddenly. Mary doesn’t put much thought into where it came from, she goes ahead and uses it to swap bodies with Elizabeth. Several things happen in the wake of this that make the puzzle even more captivating. First, Elizabeth doesn’t immediately try to reverse things. Second, Mary realizes that Elizabeth’s life is much worse than she pictured. Third, when the two meet up and one thing becomes clear—Elizabeth was the one who sent Mary the Empathyzer.

If you’re puzzled as to why Elizabeth would give Mary the tool to swap places, you’re not alone! I was desperate to know why Elizabeth did that, and so was Mary. The plot unfolds from there in a fast-paced, bizarre, and shocking story that I couldn’t step away from. Eventually the past and present timelines meet up (about midway) and everything begins to fall into place. But the more things that are resolved, the more questions I had. Someone else seems to be aware of what’s going on and it’s clear that Mary and Elizabeth’s lives are in danger. Can they trust one another to get them both out alive?

What are the main themes?

In an interview, Sarah Zachrich Jeng explains what inspired this story:

“The body swapping piece is just an extreme extension of the human desire to have what someone else has. I was also thinking about how women are so often set up to envy and be in competition with one another, even when they’re friends, and I wanted to both play into and subvert that.”

It resonated with me that pressure women have to compete with one another. We can all relate to having the desire to have what someone else has. The story of Elizabeth and Mary shows that often what the other person has isn’t as great as it seems. Further, even in our lowest points (and Mary is in a very low point), there are things about our lives that are great and that others may want. The devices were originally designed to help with empathy (I have actually seen research that using VR goggles to do this can be highly effective at increasing empathy in people). If you remove the thriller plot, this is in many ways a story about female friendship and the ups and downs that come with it.

Final Thoughts

This is a fast-paced, conceptual thriller that is full of twists and turns and a wild ending. I wouldn’t have predicted the way it ended, but I ended up loving it. Expect to take a bit of adjusting to the narrative format with the body swapping. Once you get used to it, this book is impossible to put down!